Never eat questionable turkey [Open]

"I want to be king. I never been king before. Except for that one time when I was in the duchess' bedroom, but I think I was more of a prince. A pity really."

Aki took the left. "I think as king, I do need a harem. Gosh, I want an entire....Why are you pouting, Koshi?"

Aki literally stopped midstep as he was going around the back about to climb through the window. He has to be careful the puppy eyes might be coming. "We won't make you eat snails and eggs. I'll get you some tasty dried oranges, too."

Birds like oranges, right?

"Kiyo and I will only eat...what is a filet mignon?" Aki turned to ask Kiyoharu, one leg in the window.

"I am pouting because we shouldn't be here, we shouldn't take things that belong to others and we also shouldn't deflower virgins without taking responsibility. AND, I can't eat snails or fish eggs, Sir. Only milk and honey…and very rarely sometimes tea."

Inaba looked about as Aki began climbing through the window. He then saw something that might help.

"Look! Aki-kun! Over there! There's a poor little bunny stuck under the rubble! We should save it now!"

"You'd make a great king. Think of the ring your titles will have. Aki, First of His Name, King and Master of All Things."

Kiyoharu was certain that he would have the younger man wrapped around his finger the more he spoke. "You can lay back in a big plush bed while your harem feeds you and tends to your every whim." He raised a brow, looking at Inaba critically. "We can chain angel boy to the bed post and make him watch all the sex. Think that'll loosen him up?"

The tiny demon stuck his tongue out at Inaba. "Filet Mignon is what Kings eat. It's supposed to be the richest, tenderest cut of beef possible and very expensive." He nodded, nudging Aki. "We want to eat like kings too."

For once, Kiyoharu agreed with Inaba. "OH AKI! CATCH THAT RABBIT. WE'LL MAKE STEW." He was certain that they could find some vegetables to dice up and put in it. "Rabbit stew is soooo good. Mmmmm..." His stomach was growling already.

Aki stared at the bunny then looked at Kiyoharu and Koshi. That's way too much work for Aki. He sighed.

"I'm not chasing rabbits."

He answered, about to turn away and into the window when he looked once more at the rabbit. For the love all things Aki cared for, the damn rabbit has Koshi's puppy (bunny?) eyes.

"...We're not eating rabbit. I want that minion fillet." He mumbled, pulling his leg out of the window and went to remove the rubbles. The moment it could, the rabbit dashed off and there was that.

Aki turned to get back into the window with a drop and a roll, he checked that both his birds are there. They are.

"Which way?"

He asked even through he was already tussling up the room.

"With great titles come great responsibilities."

Inaba chirped over Kiyoharu's voice, knowing one of Aki's weak spots only too well. This youth was one of the best shirkers, as good as they come by. That bit about stew made his stomach churn. Rabbits were so cute, how could anyone ever eat them? Cows were cute too, and pigs! …And chickens! What about them chickens!?

"Mignon, Aki-kun, mignon."

Devils did not have that restriction of saying things their wards didn't know, and Inaba decided to make the most use of it by at -least- teaching Aki the right way to say it from there.

When the youth did the right thing of saving the poor creature, the angel exploded into flowers and daisies and sparkles.

"Good job, Aki-kun! So proud of you<3!"

Take THAT, Sir.

No rabbit stew.

Damn that kid.

Kiyoharu took a deep breath, reaching to pluck a twig out of Aki’s hair. In his smaller size, it was large enough to use as a sword. The demon swung it past Aki’s neck to hit Inaba in the back once the angel exploded into flowers and sparkles. “Aki…this guy is getting you to work too hard. What are you going to get from saving that rabbit? All you did was earn it a date with a wolf’s jaws.” He shook his head. “Poor thing would have been better off dying there instead of being crushed beneath sharp fangs.”

The demon sat down, smoldering as he starred off in the direction that they were going. “To the left under the bed.” There was a big chest filled with jewelry and gold. “Let’s see how stealthy you can be.” The chest wouldn’t be hard to unlock once they got it out from under the bed. “Then we can go get the alcohol.” He needed a drink after seeing all those frilly feminine things bursting from the angel.

“Aki-kun…have you ever noticed that Inabaka is really a girl? All hearts, flowers and sparkly shit…” Arms were crossed over his chest. “He probably has some girly shit hidden in those robes too.” The demon didn’t think that it really mattered. He just liked harassing Inaba.

"It got the Koshieyes!" Aki defended himself against Kiyoharu. "It's not my fault they're the 'save me cause I love you so I'll bring you chocolate on Easter' eyes."

No one resists them, not even Aki. Doesn't help when they're fluffy with big ears and eyes and just...sighh.

Aki doesn't stand a chance. "Just do me a favor and don't make me picture Koshi in lingerie or something. Or just don't mate with each other, two birds are enough for me."

But that didn't stop him from pulling the chest out from under the bed. It feels heavy. "How much do you think we can make from this?" Aki jimmy the lock open and then grab the pillow case to fill it up, knot it, then shove the empty chest back under the bed.

"Now for the liquor. I hope they have some good stuff. Ooh, I want to get a condo by the beach."

Koshieyes…?

"It's called the Look of Consciousne---"

In the background from somewhere up there, trumpets started playing. DUN DUN DUNNNNN….

"…ess, Aki-kun. A little too early, guys!!"

Inaba hollered Heavenwards with a resigned sigh. Those damned cupids never get the cue right. He pouted when his adversary began burning up and pointing out the treasure chest. Stuff that obviously belonged to someone else.

"It's LOCKED, gentlemen. Locked means you shouldn't open it unless you have a KEY----What?! Excuse me, Sir? I am not a girl-oh, not that it's not good to be a girl, it's definitely okay-and what's wrong with sparkles?! Or hearts for that matter? You guys have hearts boiling in soup all the time! And sparkles are the heart of fire!"

FOLD ARMS.

POUT.

"You really shouldn't do that, Aki-kun…but since you already did, try to do some good with that condo? Maybe build a rabbit-rehabilitation facility right next to it? Think of all the poor trapped bunnies out there."

YES. IT WAS ALL ABOUT THE BUNNIES.

"Look of blah blah blah..."

He raised a brow when Aki mentioned Koshi in lingerie. "You know...lace might suit him." Kiyoharu shuddered, feeling suddenly uncomfortable at the mention of mating. "Don't give me nightmares."

The chest was filled with gold and jewels. "Looks like enough for a condo by the beach, a fancy car and our own harem." He nodded more to himself than to Aki. "That big fat ruby can be my reward." He wasn't greedy! One shiny red stone was more than enough, besides....he needed it for something.

Inside the liquor cabinet, there was an assortment of fine vintages. "Oh look, Aki-kun! There's also a wine cellar. We can feed some of that to our whiny featherbrain." He poked Inaba again with his stick-sword. This time he was hoping to make the angel fall off Aki's shoulder.

"Bunnies need to learn to fend for themselves. If you start feeding and caring for them, they'll die in the wild. Would you want to be the reason all bunnies go extinct, Aki? That's what Inabaka wants you to do."

The first poke he could ignore, but the second one made poor Inaba lose balance and he nearly tumbled off Aki's shoulder if not for clinging onto a sleeve.

"Uwwaaaaaahhh!"

This one was SUCH a meanie.

A few tears started forming in the corner of his eyes.

"That's not what I meant!! And since when did YOU call him Aki-kun?!"

That was HIS special name for Aki so there! ….And it was so cute too!! Now twisting his nice words into some bunny-killing scheme? Poor Inaba began to cry.

"WAAAAAAAAAAH;;;;!!!!"

Oh God. This was possibly worse than the look of blah blah blah.

"I like girls." He answered, picking his way into the liquor. "You can have the ruby, I don't care. Can we stop with the rabbit killng? They're cute." Aki had a soft spot for fluffy cute things that look sort of like....well, Koshi.

"Hmm..." He picked up a bottle of whiskey and pried it open and look a whiff. "Mmm....that's going to to be good." This continued until he was certain of the ones he wanted.

=_____________________________________=

".....I never want kids."

Aki muttered at the birds, picking up Koshi and setting him back on his shoulder. "...why not use your wings, Koshi?"

What else are they good for?

The angel falling off Aki's shoulder and bursting into tears made Kiyoharu cackle. He fell back on his ass, clinging to Aki's hair as he reveled in Inaba's misfortune. He waved a hand, whipping up the illusion of a big black thundercloud over Inaba's head. "Here you go, buddy, to complete your new look!" The only bad thing was wet angel smelled about like a wet dog.

Oh well.

Down came the rain, right on the angel's head.

"His righteousness is too heavy for his wings, Aki-kun. All that praying and muttering has to add some extra pounds. Don't you angels spend a lot of time on your knees?"

Wink. Wink.

The whole scene was hilarious to the demon. That didn't stop him from urging Aki onward. "We need liquor, Aki! Open it up! Give the brat some whiskey and he'll calm down." The wailing would get annoying after awhile.

Sniffle.

Inaba managed to settle back on Aki's shoulder with some help, throwing Kiyoharu a meaningful stare.

"Have to conserve all my energy. I'm down to my last six percent."

There were way too many of his other selves working on so many more people that it was taking a toll on the poor angel. Unlike bad thoughts, good thoughts take twice as much effort to execute properly and so it could get difficult for the angel to concentrate on any particular person.

"We can't even afford to look like you these days."

They could in the past.

Inaba's next words were halted by a sudden downpour over his tiny frame. The flower that sprouted from his head began to wilt. Sigh. How immature. Ah well, it was in a devil's nature to cause mischief. The angel held onto that philosophy and immediately forgave Kiyoharu with a little smile.

"Actually that is common misconception, Sir. We're usually far too busy to do all of that…and well, praying is from the heart. The gestures really don't matter but they aid the beginners to slide into the correct mood."

The angel reached up underneath the rain cloud and began groping around inside until he found the off-switch.

Click! The cloud stopped raining. Pushing it aside, he dusted his hands off and shook his wings dry, all sparkly and clean and fresh again.

"Now now Aki-kun. We all know you shouldn't drink on the job."

That halo was so very bright suddenly.

PINGGGGGG!

"Aye, Kiyokiyo, I didn't bring a spare shirt," Now he had a wet shoulder. Most birds just sing and poo, these are just...

"If you don't try it, Koshi, then how do you know which one is good?"

Aki answered, offering the birds a sip of the wine he was getting into. "It tastes like apples~"

He was reaching for another bottle when he was blinded. "KOSHI. I CAN'T SEE. TURN OFF THE HOLY LIGHT."

Of all the things in the world. "That better be an important text message or you should turn it down!"

They're gonna get caught at this rate!

Kiyoharu did understand what Koshi meant from that stare. "Next time leave one to sleep and then you'll recharge a little as you work." It was technically cheating, but desperate times came for desperate measures. "It's the best way to do it." Shortcuts, Inaba, shortcuts.

"We can steal a new one from here. Look in the closet. There might be some leather and furs in there."

Fluffy bunny fur.

He sighed softly, taking a sip of the wine with a happy sound. That was until the angel decided to turn the halo on bright. "Whoa! High beams off, Tinkerbell." The demon dug around in one of his pockets to find a pair of shades. "This is why we don't need a featherbrain floating around. Can't fly. Can't do anything except annoy."

The last thing Kiyoharu wanted was to get caught. If they did, he'd simply blame Inaba and run with Aki. The angel could handle himself. Those muscles had to be good for something. "I've got a portal ready if we need it, Aki."

"Oh, sorry, sorry, forgot to switch it to flight-mode."

Inaba let out an uncomfortable laugh as he fiddled with his halo for a bit. The light went out after an audible beep.

"Darn it, where's that silent-mode setting? I hate these software updates...they always change the placements for God-knows-what-reason..."

After quite a bit of a struggle, the angel finally seemed to have things under control.

"...wow, I just realised you guys have great reception here."

That totally wasn't fair. His videos always got cut off halfway back in the cloud kingdoms! Inaba folded his arms to stare at Aki's armful of liquor and Kiyoharu's shades.

"Tried that once and got reprimanded. Boss thinks it's better if I give 101% anyhow. He says there's always a secret reserve we can tap in after we're totally burnt out. That's how miracles happen apparently. Some highly secret manoeuvre."

....which he realised he shouldn't have said so to Aki......

"....oh dear."

Hopefully the young man was too distracted to pick up on that bit!!!

Despite being blinded, he stared at the two of them and then decided to grab the liquor, the goods and be ready to run.

"Oh good, portals, I never been in one. I played the game, Kiyo. Is it like the gam-"

Aki's ears perked up.

"....What was that, Koshi?"

A wide grin spread across his face.

"CAN WE TRY IT? Come on, Koshi, I have never seen a miracle before!"

Now it was Aki's turn to pull the big eyes of love-me-please.

"Oh boy...you're going to be in trouble now..."

Kiyoharu was pretty sure that Inaba was going to get chewed out by his supervisor for that little slip of the tongue. He was fairly certain that Inaba had intended to say it in order to get Aki's attention back. The demon rolled his eyes. "You're both going to end up getting us caught. One with halo issues and the other deciding to talk super loudly suddenly..."

There was a sound from another part of the house like creaking boards. It seemed straight out of a horror movie. "Miracles later. Let's get out of here." He waved his hand, creating a portal for them as the footsteps grew closer. "Inaba, be helpful here." The last thing Kiyoharu wanted was to have Aki die in the middle of a heist.

"Miracles are boring. Let's go to the beach instead." Somewhere...anywhere would be better than staying where they'd have an angry demon attacking them. It would be far too much effort to save both their asses. "The miracle can be getting that condo, Aki-kun..."

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get us caught."

That was true at least! Inaba's sheepish look was mirrored in the way his feathers shrugged. He swallowed heavily at the tiny devil's words though.

Darn it.

"Er…I really can't, Aki-kun. You see, I have to be depleted of my remaining energy first…and then-oh no I really shouldn't be telling you all this-"

It could get him FIRED.

Then a portal appeared and the angel clung onto Aki's neck for his dear life. It was only after he realised that Aki was ALSO clinging onto something.

"Aki-kun….what's all that in your hands? Shouldn't you leave those behind?"

SADFACE.

"But....Koshi...I never got to see it before...." He pouted. "Fine...but next time you're close to being empty, I want to see you tap into the miracle jar. And I don't mean the mayo."

Aki let out a sigh and started walking towards the portal. "I guess I really don't feel like dying. Thanks, Kiyokiyo...I'll share the whiskey with you once we're out...."

Klank, klang, klunk.

"What? Koshi, we're not passing up our loot just cause some big bad monster in the hallway."

"...."

"......Fine I'll put back two."

After all, he still got four after all. Before Koshi can protest Aki jumped right through the portal.

Although he didn't recommend giving anything back, Kiyoharu could agree with the loss of two bottles as long as it got them through the portal. He swore he could feel the angery demon practically breathing on his neck as he closed the portal behind them. It was always important to close one's portals or things simply followed.

The opening dropped them out in the park, very near to the tree that Kiyoharu had been nesting in before Aki's call. "Whew that was close." He tugged on Aki's ear. "Still alive? Portals make people sick the first time or ten." It was nothing a little alcohol couldn't burn off.

"What did we manage to get?"

Now it was time to access their haul. Then he'd know whether Aki could handle a real heist. This was all practice runs.

"We really shouldn't do any tapping of the sort, Aki-kun. It could get really dangerous…!"

Inaba hemmed and hawed over that bit, grateful that the youth decided to leave at least two bottles behind. That way the owner would have backups and not die of alcohol insufficiency…maybe.

"Sir, you really shouldn't let our wards come and go freely through the worlds. It might cause a rupture in the bridges that links us all."

This he hissed over to Kiyoharu whilst crawling across Aki's back.

"What am I going to write in my report? I can't say that Aki-kun went into District 10-3 and syphoned some bottled spirits off Mr Asb'el's cabinet! Big Boss would be MAD! And so would yours once poor Mr Asb'el files a complaint!!"

He wrung his hands in dismay.

"Better watch out, Inabum. He'll lock you in a jar like a good little faerie."

He tilted his head, looking over at the angel. "What did you want me to do? Let him get caught and ripped to shreds by Asb'el? Seriously, Inabaka, we can't go getting Aki killed." That wouldn't be a good thing at all. "Desperate times call for desperate measures. Besides, YOU were the one who let him go there in the first place."

Shifting the blame was a good idea. Kiyoharu reached out, grabbing Inaba by the shirt to pull him back up onto Aki's shoulder. "I don't know what you're going to write in your report. Think of some clever, airy, featherbrained lie. Either that or do what you usually do...blame it on me." He leaned back against Aki's neck, looking up at the angel. "They should know by now that this one is a special case."

Of course, the two were ignorning Aki for the moment. There were bigger problems at the moment. Assbutt was the least of our worries in 10-3. Imagine what would have happened if Aki had run into someone else." He was certain that Inaba didn't want to face anyone worse. "Besides...we got him out alive."

Dizzy was one thing, nausea was another. AKi felt like they should have added a sign stating 'please do not jump if you have birds and 4 bottles of liquor, the bag of loot is alright.'

"....we can travel between worlds?"

Aki's ears perked up with the exchange between the birds, he was excited to think of the possiblities. "Can I go to heaven?" As if that question even deserves an answer: No. Unless...

"We can use these portals so I can make it to heaven! Never thought I could make it there. Ne, no worries, I heard the rapture was a good thing, everyone's naked. Do I have to be naked to go to heaven?"

He reached to pull out the really smooth whiskey to share with the birds when...

"AH!!!"

Aki let out a blood curling scream.

"THE BOTTLE BROKE!! KIYO, OPEN THE PORTAL I CAN GET US A QUICK REPLACEMENT. OH NO, AND IT SPILLED ON MY SHIRT. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO...WE'RE GONNA FENCE OFF EVERYTHING. I NEED A SHIRT!"

Priority.

"…Me?! Excuse me, Sir?!"

Kiyoharu was being awful again.

"I can't lie and you know it! I don't like blaming anybody, Sir, not even you!"

Poor Inaba face palmed again, looking like he was about ready to cry. In truth he was hiding a snort from Kiyoharu's naughty nickname for Lord Asb'el.

"I guess that's -something-…"

He admitted after settling down on Aki's shoulder again with some help from the little devil. Too bad Aki caught up on their conversation and started going on about portals again. Oh bother…

"No, Aki-kun, you can't travel between worlds and you can't go up unless you're 1. Dead, 2. Done enough good in your life."

As of right now the score didn't look too well in Aki's favour. Inaba eyed the bottles of liquor and loot meaningfully. Wonder why. When Aki pulled one out and exclaimed it broken, all the angel could do was sigh and sit down cross-legged on the youth's left shoulder.

"Karma's at play here now, Aki-kun. We can't do anything but sit back and watch."

I TOLD YOU SO.