Never eat questionable turkey [Open]

"Sit down, Aki. It'll help with the nausea and feeling wobbly."

The little demon sighed, thinking about it for a moment. "Technically, blaming me wouldn't be a lie, but you'd need to remind them who we're dealing with. Aki doesn't take no for an answer very well or often." The case in point was Aki's outburst about the broken bottle.

"We can't go back or Assbutt will eat your face."

Kiyoharu reached down to touch the fabric beneath him. A light heat rushed through it to dry up all the spilled booze. "There. Now you're dry. As for heaven, you don't want to go there. Do you think this guy is bad? Imagine hundreds of them squeaking at you." The demon shuddered.

"Besides, there's no alcohol in heaven and you don't have wings. You'd fall off a cloud and die."

"But there was a guy that turned things from water to wine. Why can't I have wine? It's alcohol!"

Aki rebuttal against Koshi's anti-alcohol debate. "Nevermind, I do a lot of good. I pretty much saved a demon's gluttony by liberating his liquor. I made him work for more riches so that he's not suffering from sloth and beat his greed. I got away so that he doesn't commit wrath, then put his ego in place to prevent vanity. Luckily, he doesn't see me or he would've had some serious lust issues...even envy! I think I just save him from the deadly sins."

Plenty good according to Aki since he stopped a demon from the big seven.

"Thanks, Kiyo, why don't you just make me new clothes? Koshi, don't you have more handy laundry skills? Maybe you're a cook? I always wanted to have someone cook for me."

"Ah...that's Big Boss Jr. He tends to like showing off his thing now and then. It's all right as long as you don't give him a chance to talk, or he just won't stop..."

Inaba sighed at the latest memories of being caught off-guard and then made to sit down for an entire thesis-long lecture on the evolution of grass. He had been hoping that Jr would run out of topics to ramble on about but it seemed his inventory was neverending. By the time Jr was done, Inaba had been all shrunken up like a raisin.

"That sounds like twisted logic but I'll let it pass just because you are cute, Aki-kun."

The little angel reached up on his tippy toes to stroke Aki's hair.

"Yes I can cook and clean, but what does that have to do with anything? And we have something even better than alcohol, Sir. We have ambrosia."

Smug smile. Hell doesn't have any of that either. So there!!

"I can make you new clothes if you want. I was thinking that we should find someone sexy and give ol'fluffhead here a show." It was against the rules for either of them to reveal their full size. Wasn't it? "Either that or you can try to get the angel out of his pants. That'd be quite the feat."

He nodded, grabbing Inaba by his pants for a rough tug. "I wonder if they still make angels wear those chastity belt things. You know the big boss and jr like to watch people having sex, don't ya?" The little demon pinched Inaba's backside.

"Let's deflower the angel, Aki-kun. It'll be fun. We can get him drunk first. I'll hold him down. You pour a capful of whiskey down his gullet." Plotting to injure and molest their companion wasn't the nicest thing possible.

Maybe he was a little miffed about the ambrosia.

When Kiyoharu started wandering off his side of the shoulder, poor Inaba began to sweat profusely, realising that he shouldn't have challenged the little devil like that. It was too late though, when all of a sudden the front of his pants were grabbed and yanked like that.
"Uwaaaaaaahhhhh~~~~~!!!"

Nope, no chastity belt, but there's a very cute little pee-wee present, all nice and rosy pink. That pinch was so totally unexpected.

"WAS THAT NECESSARY?!"

Inaba yelped as he tried to flail away from the devil's grasp.

"No,no no, and NOOOOOOO~~~~!!!"

Tearfountains!

"That's horrible, can't you just give Junior a bottle of milk to make him stop crying, Ko? I heard he's still a baby...I didn't know you can give babies wine." Aki's biblical studies might've been a bit lacking in the details.

Aki tilted his head to allow Koshi to give him a pat on the head, grinning like a proud cat that just caught a mouse. Until he heard something about ambrosia - must be pricey enough that heaven horde it.

"I want ambrosi-AH!! NO FRATERNIZING ON MY SHOULDER!"

Aki freaked out, plucking both off his shoulder and apart. "I DON'T NEED TO BE TRAUMATIZED BY A COUPLE OF BIRDS BEFORE WE GET DRUNK OFF OUR ASSES."

The little demon was struggling to pinch and poke the angel as he flailed away. "Fraternizing? Where did you learn such a big word?" He was so shocked that he had to stare at Aki for a moment. "We could make little half demon/half angel birds and then you could get rich selling them. New Species! Kiyobas." Of course, his own name would come before the angel's. "It'd be the time of his life."

He shook his head, trying to get that thought out of his head. His little legs kicked as he was plucked off Aki's shoulder, arms crossing over his chest. It was degrading to be treated that way. "Put me down! Inaba, I swear...I'm going to kick his ass if he doesn't." He tried to turn his head to reach Aki's fingers to bite him. "AND DON'T FUCKING DROP ME."

Kiyoharu was growling, staring up at the human. There wasn't enough alcohol in the world to soothe him. It would take some ego stroking as he began to smolder with little black clouds of smoke floating around him. The angel had better talk Aki into letting him go or he was about to curse the kid with threats of stds and bad hair.

"Kiyobas."

Inaba repeated in disbelief as he stared at Kiyoharu, pretty used to being plucked and placed around by now. So still swinging beneath Aki's fingers, the poor little angel clasped his hands together whilst looking at his ward.

"The Sir might put curses on you if you don't put him back properly, Aki-kun. Curses aren't very nice to have around, and if Sir gets really angry, it'll be awful hard for me to remove it…if I can even do so…."

He tried!

After which Inaba began to tug his pants back on properly, dusting his arms off in mid-dangle.

"I'll have to leave you now, Aki-kun. My batteries are running very low. Promise to be good? I'll come visit later?"

"Eww...can't you both be normal and mate where people can't see you?" Aki was spared the trauma of never seeing his parents have sex, he didn't want to make up for it by seeing his birds.

Sigh.

"Bite me and I'll never share my liquor with you again, Kiyo....and I'll put you both in whiskey bottles to think about what you're doing." Why was he the parental figure? Maybe he just wanted birds in a bottle. "....Fine."

He plopped both of them down on his shoulder.

"....Koshi, you don't look like you run batteries....Ne, Kiyo, do you run on batteries?...I thought you both run on whiskey."

Hence his priority.

Aki being parental was enough to earn the kid a curse after all. Kiyoharu was still smoldering and fuming when he was placed back on Aki's shoulder. His little feet were burning prints into Aki's shirt. A low growl left his throat as he reached up to snatch a lock of Aki's hair right out of his head.

The stolen hair was shoved into a little pouch as Kiyoharu began to chant. Most of the words wouldn't be understood by either the human or the angel. They would be able to understand the last part. "..........may your hair never style, never stay, always stick up. Bad hair, horrible cuts, rough color, bring Aki all the troubles to his vanity." It wasn't the most eloquent curse he'd ever put together, but it worked.

As he closed the little pouch, Aki's hair instantly began to shift and change. His hair had been straight and nicely styled to begin with. Instead, it began to frizz until it stuck out at odd angles like a giant puff ball on top of his head. The color looked like it was badly dyed and severely faded.

"Whiskey doesn't work for angels."

Another small object was pulled out of the layers of Kiyo's clothes. He was pressing buttons on it before ripping the angel's shirt off. He clamped a metal pin to each nipple before pressing the big green button. Electricity sparked to life, running through the machine into the angel.

"Nipple charge should work."

Inaba looked rather frightened when Kiyoharu started doing his thing. Curses were always so intimidating. The poor angel could only watch that hair go bad, jaw agape and distracted enough to not notice what was going to happen next.

His shirt was suddenly ripped off and then his tiny nubs clamped.

"EH?!"

Then before he could protest, the poor thing was being zapped alive.

ZZZZZZZZZHHHHTTTTTT!

"UWa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aahhhhhhhh-h-h-h-h-h!!!"

"...."

It took a total of thirty-two seconds before Aki realized what happened. Yup. Birds are annoying.

He grabbed Kiyo but his wings.

"....I'm going to eat some fried birds tonight. One's already fried, another one just needs to be hooked up."

e________________________e

His hair is important, dammit.